“I’m sorry”

This is a phrase I have heard nearly unceasingly for five years now, from my now-ex. Most recently in an email, as “I’m sorry you think …”

I responded that yes, I know he’s sorry I think the way I do. I didn’t add that I’m sorry he thinks the way he does, too – but I am. I wish we thought more similarly about a lot of things, but if we did we’d still be together.

What interests me are the motivations in “I’m sorry.” Throughout my relationships, his I’m sorries are usually “I’m sorry you’re treating me this way,” not “I’m sorry I hurt you and made you angry. What can I do to make this better?”

Mine were usually “I’m sorry I lost my temper and said what I think in a way you find unacceptable.”

What am I sorry for now? That I hurt him. That I somehow drove him away. That I didn’t let go long ago. That the love I had for him, that took my breath away, wasn’t enough. That we won’t grow old together happily. That we didn’t talk in more depth, while we had the chance, about what made us sad and sorry.

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