People have written at length on every aspect of breakups, so why am I writing this little unpromoted blog? The same reason I’ve been combing the interwebs – where I found Chump Lady, who is a goddess – for other people’s stories.
I needed to know I wasn’t completely alone. I think I felt everyone else was in a happy relationship, and they couldn’t seem to see me. I think, to paraphrase Tolstoy: happy relationships are all alike; every unhappy relationship is unhappy in its own way.
Although Chump Lady makes me question that “own way.” Seems there are a lot of similarities when serial cheating is involved, but that’s another story.
So I write because my story is mine. The fact that the last nearly 20 years now seem largely a lie that I lived entwined with others’ lies, doesn’t change that they were real to me. And they were not all bad years for me.
I pursued a career, traveled the world, raised my children, and enjoyed a fair amount of happiness, success and pleasure. And I will do many of those things – along with so many, many more — again.
At the same time, I have things to say about those not-entirely-lost years. They could, and should, have been different and much better. Some of my words right now: zero shit. Facebook floozy. Cupcake overdose [no, I don’t have a sweet tooth.] “Middle Eastern specialist.” Sugar Daddies. Mean girls. Daddy issues – no, not only mine.
Like I said in my first post, if you’re interested, stay tuned. Meanwhile I’ll be working on regaining the person who existed before my doomed marriage, who struggled to survive all through it, and who is now poking back through the soil again with some fresh shoots.
That’s the message we’re all looking for, I think. The end of the “us” story isn’t the end of the You story, or the Me story.